I have a number of friends who are in committed relationships, and there’s something I started to notice. 

My friends who used to work out religiously and treat their bodies like a temple started to…not.

You’ve probably noticed this too. People–and maybe yourself included–get into a committed relationship and start to get too comfortable. They start to indulge a little more, hit the gym a little less, and ultimately stop investing as much in their health. 

I’m here to tell you that this mindset is going to kill your sex life and your relationship.

Being healthy to attract others

For many, the drive to be healthy is rooted in a desire to impress the opposite sex. Building muscle and eating well are all part of the plan to attract that certain somebody.

Once that person has fully fallen for you and knows they want to be with you, there’s less motivation to try hard. So you get a little lazier. You don’t put the effort in because you’ve already achieved your goal.

It’s normal to try extra hard when you’re trying to find a partner, and it’s tempting to taper off a bit when the relationship is strong. But when you stop investing in your health, your relationship ends up suffering. The science is absolutely settled on this: your health affects sexual performance.

When you stop exercising

When you drop off your exercise and start eating less healthy, your testosterone levels drop. 

Healthy testosterone depends on regular exercise and an abundance of fresh fruits and veggies alongside your high-quality protein sources. 

If your testosterone starts to drop, your sex life is going to become a bit lackluster. 

This can lead to you and your partner drifting apart.

How do you avoid falling into the trap? 

Well, there is no special shortcut. You have to put in the effort! It’s not the hardest thing to do, and once you get started, it’s much easier to just keep going in a healthy direction.

Being healthy for your relationship

You need to make a decision that your relationship is going to be built on healthy or lazy choices. 

You need to make that decision with your partner and hold each other accountable. 

It’s important that you both actively encourage healthy choices, or else an imbalance will develop, and one person will feel like they are nagging the other. You can make it fun, though. You just have to use your imagination.

Making exercise work

What kind of exercise is fun? If you hate the gym, join a soccer team. Find your local rock climbing gym, or learn Capoeira. Go to classes with your partner! 

Regular exercise is not only good for your physical health, but also your mental health. Routine exercise can help with stress management and manage symptoms of depression, anxiety disorders, and other mental illnesses. 

Managing your diet

When it comes to food, set an indulgence limit. Don’t try to be perfect because you will fail. Instead, have a conversation (when you are not hungry!) with your partner about what you feel comfortable indulging in and how often. E.g., share a pint of Ben & Jerry’s once a week. 

Agree on a plan and hold each other to it. Make room for failure too. 

If you need an extra chocolate bar because your cat died and you want to cheer up, so be it. You want to be flexible, not militant. Couples either make it easier or harder to be healthy. 

It is up to you what you will choose. 

Knowing that being healthy affects your sex life and the overall state of your relationship means that you’re making an informed decision. Every time you choose the healthy option, you know it is in the best interest of your relationship.

If your partner is constantly luring you to unhealthy choices, you need to let them know that this is important to you and the relationship. Don’t be domineering, of course. 

Be open and listen to your partner’s point of view. With a few conversations, you will be well on your way to being a super healthy couple.